lundi 2 mars 2009

La Reduction des Couts


JEMBA - Jour 13: la semaine derniere, une cinquantaine de top managers de notre sous-sous-departement, venant du monde entier, ont ete rassembles a Paris pour un seminaire de reflexion sur la crise. Une semaine a se poser des questions sur le pourquoi de nos malheurs, "qu'est-ce que la crise?", "d'ou vient la crise?", "pourquoi les banques sont-elles touchees par la crise?", et au fait, "qu'est-ce qu'une banque?".

Cela me fait penser a la premiere etape d'une cure de desintoxication pour drogues ou alcooliques : "il parait que je ne suis pas normal, je ne suis pas d'accord, mais je dois me demander avec serieux : que m'arrive-t-il?". Voila, 5000 euros de voyage et frais par personne en moyenne pour comprendre que ca va mal.

Ne nous moquons pas, les banquiers sont tres diplomes et donc un peu autistes. Il faut les aider.

Un des ateliers de reflexion savamment appele "brainstorming", un vocable de mba americain qui suggere que des idees brillantes peuvent fuser lorsqu'elles sortent de cerveaux reunis autour de la machine a cafe, a consiste a definir l'image de nos chers top managers telle qu'ils la croient percue par le Monde. Eh bien accrochez-vous, voici un scoop, il semblerait qu'elle soit mauvaise. Nos estimes responsables ont etabli des listes de mots utilises pour nous decrire : "escrocs", "voleurs", "parias", ou, plus creatif : "poules mouillees", "bande de zeros", ou encore "tas de merde". Une prise de conscience qui a du couter au bas mot 300 000 euros. Meme britney spears a du trouver une cure de desintoxication moins chere. Enfin, bientot, nous ne distriburons pas de dividende, car, actionnaires cheris, nous mettons un point d'honneur a ce que vous couliez avec nous. Ah merde je suis actionnaire jusqu'au cou.

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